Dear SIL,
I recently read your blog post on choosing to leave the world of teaching. At the end of 2019, after 12 1/2 years of teaching, I also decided that it was time to turn in my letter of resignation. You are so right. If we want to live a healthy, balanced life, we have to put our job into perspective and weigh the impact it is having on us.
I entered the world of teaching bright eyed and bushy tailed. I was ready to re-enter the community where I grew up, and help change the trajectory of the lives of students. Over the years I came across children of various backgrounds and with different needs, and they ended up having the impact on me I was expecting to have on them. Each one gained a special place in my heart for different reasons. I was able to cultivate life-long relationships with the families I had grown close to over the years. If only I could enter the classroom and teach my children without all of the other outside factors. Over the course of my teaching career I had the ability to teach state tested grade levels and subjects, early childhood and art for the whole school.
You quickly start to see that at the end of the day, the thing that matters most in this world is testing. This became very clear when I first made the switch to teaching art, and was told to lock up my art supplies because I will need to start teaching Math and Reading during my art classes instead (under a previous administration). I think it was at that moment that my spirit for teaching was crushed, yet year after year I tried to continue on because I loved my kids and wanted to still have an impact. I had so many amazing moments that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I’ve been able to see children literally grow before my eyes from a Pre K student learning how this school thing works, to growing into a 5th grade student preparing to enter middle school.
Over time I contemplated this test driven system that I ultimately was a part of. I wanted to come in and change the focus away from tests, and put it back on the child as a whole. As long as tests drive money, that is where the focus will be. I started to become very stressed in my position and it greatly impacted my ability to teach at the highest level. I developed a headache that I lived with everyday. My blood pressure increased and I gained a significant amount of weight. Why did I stay? People will try to guilt and pressure you into staying because “We need good teachers” but to what extent? Yes, I love my children. I also think my co-workers are some of the best people a person could ever ask to work with. I was in a comfort zone that was keeping me from reaching my full potential. Sometimes even though you love something, you have to take a step away from it to take care of yourself. It doesn’t always mean a permanent separation but breaks are needed.
SIL, your words about students catching on to the system are so true. Also, when you mentioned the expectation for teachers to create miracles is very on point. I have also had many days of crying. I started playing gospel music and praying even more heavily to make it through each day. Then finally I realized that it was time. Instead of willing myself through the day, I wanted better for myself and my kids. I turned in my resignation and also turned in my trust to God. I would hate to leave this earth prematurely, and all I can say that I did for myself was will myself through a stressful situation everyday. I want to live. I want to enjoy life. I want balance. So, I’m taking a step away. I’m not sure for how long. In this time I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. I’ve been focusing on things I can do daily to ensure that I am caring for my mental and physical health. The smile, the true authentic smile, that left my face is making its return. My attitude that was becoming extremely irritable is getting back to the old happy Brandi. My blood pressure is becoming consistently good. I’ve dropped a few pounds, and I’m in a truly good place.
This letter is only part of the journey to how I ended up where I am today. One of my neighbors who is a teacher told me their art teacher also resigned this year. A friend told me her principal recently resigned. I’ve seen several posts from others who have resigned, and had lots of conversations with teacher friends who are unhappy. Clearly something has got to be done for the sake of the children we love so much. In the meantime I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I completely understand and support you.
Signed,
Another teacher that resigned this school year to give myself a fighting chance at a better quality of life